Lovesick?

No, just sick of love!

Look, people, this...

is NOT a heart! THIS...

is a heart!

It's a lump of muscle that pumps your blood around your body... it doesn't think... it doesn't "love"... it just sits there going "dum, dum... dum, dum..." until one day it doesn't go "dum, dum..." anymore, and that's you pushing up daisies!

So why are so many of you buying into this commercialism and one day of sickeningly sweet cards and teddies and flowers and shit like that?

Of all the pointless holidays we have, Valentines Day is probably the most pointless... For the last month and a half, the shops have been full of things reminding us that if you really, really love your partner (if you have one), then on this one particular day, you should spend massive amounts of money on tat to show it! The other 364 days of the year, you can feel free to ignore, abuse, or take them for granted as much as you like.

I've spent the whole afternoon in the shop today while person after person came in wanting "a sheet of red card, please" - and you just know it was to make a Valentines card. *Insert vomit sound effect*

Then you hear on the radio about all the people who have been dumped today - the day BEFORE Valentines Day - or people who are having a real dilemma because they've agreed with their partner that they won't get each other anything... and they're all upset because they really wanted a tacky card... or they're frightened that their partner is going to go against their "pact" and they'll waken up to a card tomorrow morning, when they haven't bought one coz they were being obedient! This, of course, would be disaster because it would mean that their partner was one up on them, and obviously loved them more...

Then there are the sad singletons (and, yes, I'm single) who measure their self-worth in Hallmark envelopes and are made to feel like lepers because they've got no tacky cards in the post.

For god's sake, can't you just quietly do your couple thing every day and not shout it from the rooftops on one day of the year? What would you do if you never quietly told your "other half" (god, how that term makes me want to vomit! Aren't you a whole person in yourself?) how much you "wuv" them, and they were knocked down in a road accident on February 13th!?

Every damn type of shop is pushing hearts down our throats, and some of them are so blatantly cynical attempts to part us with our cash - no longer is Valentines Day a holiday for jewellery shops, florists and card shops... No, now butchers (celebrate with steak), bakers (heart-shaped biscuits), and DIY shops (buy your loved one a drill) are cashing in on it!

Okay, rant over...