"The fairies only left Orkney when folk stopped seekin' them" - Anonymous Orcadian
"Never be afraid to seek" - Ally

Saturday, February 07, 2009

Bad Day At Work?

I'm at work (alone, and in all day again today (still only part-time during the week, coz I've still got a bandage and a stupid "plaster boot" on one leg), and it's chuffing freezing if I have to go out into the store to serve customers, and we don't seem to have anything that they want, and there's no milk for me to make coffee, and I'm craving a bacon roll (which I can't go get because I'm alone, and anyway, I'm stuck on the industrial estate, too far away from anywhere that I could purchase said item), and I just want to go home and sleep, and my leg is itchy under the bandage where the dead skin is coming off and the new skin is coming in, and there's an iodine dressing on the actual ulcer bit and it's stinging a wee bit, and I am feeling grumpy and unsociable...

But I'm still not having as bad a day as the guy in this thing I was emailed...

If you don’t laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma! This is even funnier when you realize it’s real! Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.

Bob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103. 5 on FM dial in Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest.

Needless to say, she won. Read his letter below.

~Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.

Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you’ve been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it’s not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It’s a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I’ve used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit.

This floods my whole suit with warm water. It’s like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it.

This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don’t have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn’t stick to it, however, the crack of my ass was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my ass.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say, I aborted the dive.

I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompress ion. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn’t shit for two days because my ass was swollen shut.

So, next time you’re having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your ass.

Now repeat to yourself, ‘I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.’

Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?


Louise said...

Lol! I was having a bad day today also, stuck in the shop on my own as no volunteers turned up and whoever cashed up last night cocked it all up and I had to go through the whole weeks till rolls to find the bloody mistake!....I love my job!

Julie said...

Got to admit this made me feel better about working in a middle of a dismantled shop that is being painted and put back together but is like a bloody maze with bookshelves all ove the floor and rude customers...but it's not as bad as having a jellyfish up the arse!