What Do You Get If You Cross...

Too much alcohol last night, only getting to bed at 2o'clock in the morning, and having to work today?

You get me clutching a bottle of Irn Bru, alternating it with gulps of coffee, and trying to muster up a vague appearance of being human every time a customer comes in and rings the bell!

That's it! I'm NEVER drinking again!





(at least, until next weekend)

I've Got To Stop...

going out on a Friday night when I'm working on Saturday!

moar funny pictures

Viki and I went out for a bar meal last night (it's our Friday night thing... neither of us wants to cook) and then for a couple of drinks.

Then, when the pubs closed at 1am this morning, it was such a beautiful night that we went a walk along the harbour front and sat on a bench just talking for a while, while Viki had a cigarette or 3 (that'll really help her cold(!)). It was dead quiet... for some reason there wasn't the usual lot of drunken layabouts looking for taxis and folks just hanging around... and the sky wasn't properly dark (I love Orkney around mid-summer)... and there wasn't a breath of wind...

Came home about half past 2 and I collapsed into bed... pleasantly tiddly.

Woke up this morning at 20 to 8... unpleasantly hungover. lol.

Now I'm at work. Had a cup of coffee, so I'm feeling a wee bit more human, but I'm still struggling.

I'm Feeling Really Guilty...

I started this week off with a cold... a real stinker of a cold...

By Wednesday I had given it to Viki... and to my brother.

It has to be said, I'm not really feeling guilty about giving it to my brother... every time I get a cold he takes the piss and complains that I can't just die quietly... so when he texted me to say "Thanks... you've given me your scabbie cold", part of me went "Hee, hee".

But now poor Viki's got it... and worse than I have / had it. She went through about 4 little packets of tissues yesterday, and the day before, she came home from work and spent the rest of the night asleep on the sofa. And last night / this morning, she was coughing so bad she was nearly sick.

So... I'm sorry, my poor draga... I promise to keep my germies to myself in future (or at least, give them all to David instead).

Puszak!

Bleurgh!

It really, really isn't a good idea to go out on a Friday night when you're working the next day!

Viki & I went out for a meal last night, and then for "a couple of drinks" - Aye, right(!) - There were probably more like 5 or 6... and I took it easier than Viki, because I only had this really good rum that I've been introduced to, called Sailor Jerry's (which you drink with coke and lime, so at least I won't get scurvy, I guess)... Viki was drinking Budweiser AND straight whisky!

So my one consolation today is that however bad I was feeling when I got up this morning, she was feeling a lot worse!

Met her for lunch and, sure enough, she looked a little bit green around the gills... hee, hee... er... I mean... Poor baba...

A Little Bit Better...

Finished the afternoon at work in a state of depression and wanting to cry and scream and take my surgical boot and burn the damn thing, and then had a very self-concious trip round Tesco for shopping before coming home.

Got home and thought I would try to see if there was any way that I could get my widest shoe on (which wouldn't go at all when I was using the 4-layer compression bandage last time). Had to cut out an elastic bit at the front, and extend the resulting "V" a little, but it DOES go on... even if I have to put a bit of tape across the top just to be secure.

So, I guess that if they decide the 2-layer compression is going to work, I can survive this month (and, god, I hope it's just a month AT THE MOST). So long as I can fit a normal shoe on, and don't look like a cross between NCP Car Park Man and a Yeti, and so long as the injury is "invisible" to passers-by.

I'm even feeling brave enough and positive enough to go out for the bar supper that Viki and I had planned tonight. We were meant to be meeting someone else after for a drink or 2, but I'm not so sure about that yet.

So I'm off to get ready... not that I really feel like making much of an effort right now.

See ya!

The Sun Is Out...

... people are starting to get that "summer" vibe here in Orkney, and all of a sudden my dodgy leg is back in a compression bandage and fucking surgical boot again!

Went to the nurse today, and saw the one who usually does Thursday and Friday, but who had been on holiday last week... and she said "Oh, my god! That ulcer is getting deeper again! Back into compression with you!" (This despite the fact that the nurse who saw me on Tuesday said it was looking better than it had been when she saw me the Friday before).

I protested, mainly on the grounds I was going out tonight, and also that I'd just started being able to wear proper shoes again... and didn't have to worry about aqua-planing if I had to go out in my surgical boot that was smooth on the bottom and held together by gaffer tape. But to no avail.

I was strapped up, and then she tried to get my croc that I had been wearing back on my now-2-layer-bandaged foot... and it wouldn't go (surprisingly(!)). And I was going back to work, so on the upside (insofar as there is an upside) I got a new surgical boot.

So, I'm back to being "Bigfoot" for a month... Oh, joy(!)

Suddenly don't feel like going out tonight... I just want to hide away like a troll under a rock for the next month. I don't want people saying any of the following:

"So, what's the other guy like?"
"What have you been doing to yourself?"
"I thought you'd got rid of that thing!"

or to have to face the young ones pointing and sniggering any more than they usually do.

Okay... self-pitying rant over... for now.

Yesterday I Saw A Little Worm...

Wriggling... well, I won't tell you where it was wriggling, but suffice to say, I felt more than a little queasy... and a quick trip was made to Tesco to get some dewormer for the 2 new moggies!

They used to live by fields just outside the town, and there were rabbits and, I guess, rats, and all sorts of things that they could have been eating - a veritable smorgasbord of roadkill and things that had died of natural causes (and I'm sure being killed by cats could be classed as a natural cause) for a couple of feline epicures to dine on.

So they got some organophosphates stuck on the back of their necks last night... Hopefully that should see the little blighters (the worms, not the cats) bugger off for a couple of months at least!

Don't tell them, but the indignity will be repeated in a couple of days when I'll dose them with more DDT to deflea them!

I guess that's the downside to taking the cats directly from their home... If they had been taken into the Cats Protection centre, they would have been wormed and flea-treated before we took them home, and I wouldn't have had to witness that.

Still, it's done now... just the carpets at home to treat now... which will be done after payday, when I can afford one of the sprays to do it!

Yuk! What a lovely topic to share with you on a Monday morning...

Enjoy your dinner!

Would Someone Please Tell The Pixie...

that's bashing the side of my head with a sledgehammer, that he's made his point, and he can stop now, thanks very much!

Ohmygod... I'm NEVER drinking again... I swear to Bilious, the oh god of hangovers!

I counted back last night... I had 4 drinks... that's all...

But those 4 glasses contained EIGHT different kinds of alcohol!

First I had a Morgans & Coke... with a blackcurrant Sourz to accompany it...

Then we moved pubs, and I had a couple of cocktails...

First was called a Purple Haze or something like that, and contained Peach Schnapps, Bacardi and Blue Curacao or whatever it is you call it... mixed with a shot of grenadine, served over crushed ice, and topped up with lemonade. Very yummy...

Then there was something (can't remember what it was called) that had Bailey's, Vodka, and Kahlua in it... and that's all.

I suspect that they might have all ganged up in my bloodstream to form a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster though!

Oh, my head...

Going for a drink now - OF WATER!!!!!

A Saturday Off? I'll Drink To That!

Not working today (but working Easter Monday) so went out with Viki for something cheap(ish) and cheerful at our local pizza place and then for "a" drink... which ended up with me having a Malibu (don't ask... but it was inspired by buying a cheap coconut the night before), then some cocktail with raspberry vodka and peach schnapps in it, and then 2 Red Apples.

What's a Red Apple? Very tasty, that's what! It's vodka, with grenadine, a squeeze of fresh lemon juice, and then topped up with Appletise... very fruity and light... but at £4 a go, only a treat.

But I'm definitely getting old... That's really only 5 measures of spirits, and this morning my mouth was like the bottom of a parrot cage!

Anyone got an aspirin or 20?

It's Gone Tooth Hurty...

It's now 2:34, and I've just had a text from Viki to say that her infected and broken wisdom tooth is gone!

After a double dose of anaesthetic because she could still feel it after the first set of injections...! Ow! Ow! Ow!

I'm feeling faint just at the thought!

What's The Time? Tooth Hurty?

Well, actually it's 1:30, not 2:30 (tooth hurty.... geddit?), but poor Viki is heading off to the dentist for the first time here in Orkney at the moment. She's broken a tooth, and it was so sore yesterday that she had to get in touch with NHS24 (why do these things always happen on a Friday night?) for an emergency appointment today.

And here's me sitting stewing at work because I can't go with her for moral support.

Her appointment is at 2pm, so please help me to send positive vibes her way...

Oh, It's A Good Day...

…for singing a song!

I’m having a pretty good day today, all things considered! Okay, work is still work, but on the positives there are:

Not working tomorrow, and nor is Viki, so we’ll be paying a visit to the charity shops and Starbucks for a coffee!

Got a rent holiday this week, cause it’s the last week of the financial year for the council… woo-hoo!

Was at the nurse today, and I’ve finally got the compression bandage off my leg, and an elastic stocking on… and I can get a shoe on my right foot for the first time in almost 3 months! No more plaster boot that is so smooth on the sole that I go aqua-planing every time I walk on wet stones… Yesterday I almost did the splits in one shop as I walked in the door – led in with my right foot, which slid forward almost half a metre on the wet floor, and my left foot stayed where it was! And there I “stood”, wobbling and trying to prop myself up with my stick as I tried to stop my right foot going any further away from me, and causing me to have a walk like a duck with a hernia!

Not working Saturday, so a pint or two on Friday night to celebrate my new unfettered leg is in order, I think!

Got an electrician coming tomorrow to fit a TV aerial in the house, so finally I will be able to watch telly without every programme looking like it’s filmed in the dead of winter with a heavy snowstorm going on.

Can life get any better? Well, yes... I could win the lottery on Saturday!

Bad Day At Work?

I'm at work (alone, and in all day again today (still only part-time during the week, coz I've still got a bandage and a stupid "plaster boot" on one leg), and it's chuffing freezing if I have to go out into the store to serve customers, and we don't seem to have anything that they want, and there's no milk for me to make coffee, and I'm craving a bacon roll (which I can't go get because I'm alone, and anyway, I'm stuck on the industrial estate, too far away from anywhere that I could purchase said item), and I just want to go home and sleep, and my leg is itchy under the bandage where the dead skin is coming off and the new skin is coming in, and there's an iodine dressing on the actual ulcer bit and it's stinging a wee bit, and I am feeling grumpy and unsociable...

But I'm still not having as bad a day as the guy in this thing I was emailed...

If you don’t laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma! This is even funnier when you realize it’s real! Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.

Bob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103. 5 on FM dial in Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest.

Needless to say, she won. Read his letter below.

~Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.

Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you’ve been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it’s not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It’s a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I’ve used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit.

This floods my whole suit with warm water. It’s like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it.

This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don’t have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn’t stick to it, however, the crack of my ass was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my ass.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say, I aborted the dive.

I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompress ion. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn’t shit for two days because my ass was swollen shut.

So, next time you’re having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your ass.

Now repeat to yourself, ‘I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.’

Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

The Leg Post...

Day 3 of the bandaging, and it must be working, because the nurse who hasn't seen my leg since before Christmas said "Oh, my god... What a difference! I could almost kiss your leg!"

I'm slowly getting over the embarrassment factor... Had to go into work for a couple of hours this afternoon and - thankfully, or I'd have hit him with my sticks - Flunky didn't say anything.

However, they're trying to persuade me that I should get this same treatment done on my other leg... which isn't quite so bad, and doesn't have any wound... So this would mean another 2 weeks of bandaging, but on the other leg. Now, at the moment, I can pass this off as "a New Year injury" (meaning people think I was pissed and fell off my stilettos while doing the conga up the street at 3am New Year's morning)... and this is okay, coz it has some level of street-cred, and people laugh. But how do I explain that my "twisted ankle" has suddenly migrated to the other foot?

Or am I just being silly? Should I go for it and tell all the piss-takers where to go?

Day 2 Of The Leg War

Been back to the nurse & physiotherapist today to have the dressing re-done, and they seem pleased with the change over the last 24 hours... so maybe, just maybe, this will work after all.

Fingers crossed, please...

I Can Has Kitteh?

First day back at work... Boo!

moar funny pictures

Although for me it's just been a little over half a day, and now I'm signed off sick for 2 weeks (although I have to go in a couple of times during the fortnight to do the wages and a couple of other things that only I can do).

Been at the nurse today for the first day of the compression bandaging on my leg... so now I'm trussed up from foot to just above the knee on my right leg, with a bandage that big that I can't get a shoe on, so I'm wearing one of those plaster boot things that you get when you've broken your leg... which is a really good look(!) - and I'm hobbling about with a couple of walking sticks.

Back tomorrow to get it redone, and see if it's made any difference. Please god, it has...

It's Been A Funny Old Year...

It's been a year of ups and downs... more downs than I would have cared for...

- My auntie dying.
- Money problems coming to their logical progressive conclusion (I won't use the b-word here, I'll just say I'm now a statistic of the credit crunch).
- Moving house for the first time in quarter of a century (although that's not entirely bad, because I love being in my new house).
- Health issues... what with being glucose intolerant, poly-cystic, and my leg still not being sorted (although that will be addressed next week).

and all the other crap...

But all that is out-weighed by one thing... or should I say one person...

Coz 2008 was the year that Viki became a "real" person (when she came to visit me in August)... and now she is here in Orkney looking for a job (so I guess I did something okay coz I didn't scare her off).

My Hunsis has given up so much (her job, her flat, and having to leave her family and friends behind), and I don't think she realises just how much it means to me having her around, and all the sacrifices she's made... I've discovered that (contrary to what I always told myself and everyone around) I don't like my own company... and I finally look forward to coming home at night, because there's someone there who gets me, someone I can laugh with, moan to, or even just sit reading a book without saying a word to... but knowing that she's there.

So, Viki, thank you... from the bottom of my heart, thank you for taking the risk and coming over to Orkney. Someday I hope I can repay you for what you've given me.

Szeremere, drága... köszönöm szépen és millió puszák.

Sick Selkie Syndrome

Okay, time for a health update...

Starting with the fact that I have got my second cold of the season (although it doesn't seem THAT long since I was having my last cold of the summer season)... I've got a chesty cough, bunged-up nose, and a death rattle every time I breathe!

Then there's the on-going saga with my leg, and the tests I've been going for (see here for most of the gory details)... Well, now I'm on 2 lots of anti-biotics, because I've managed to get a bug back in the wound (it's that well-known one that's an anagram of the 4th planet from the sun), and I've been prescribed Metformin as well for the glucose intolerance / PCOS (which it's beginning to look more and more like I've got, but I need one more blood test yet to confirm)... combine those tablets (5 a day) with the vitamins and supplements I'm taking, AND the decongestants and cough medicine I've now got, and I'm like a walking pharmacy!

And, without going into too much detail yet (I'll bore you more with this in the beginning of the new year, when it's likely to happen), the "next step" for my leg is going to be embarrassing in the extreme, and not a lot of fun... let's just say it involves a dirty great big bandage, a blockage somewhere in my lymphatic system, and 2 - 3 weeks of hobbling around looking like I've broken my leg!

People, let this be a lesson to you... Get Regular Check-Ups From Your Doctor, And Don't Bury Your Head In The Sand!

Testing, Testing... 4, 5, 6...

Okay, been to nurse today, and:

Test 4 - Thyroid is working okay.

Test 5 - Cholesterol is fine... good and bad cholesterol levels are okay.

Test 6 - Hormone test results aren't back from Aberdeen yet.

Just Like A Pill...

LOL... you should see my kitchen tonight - it's just like a chemist!

I went at dinner time to get some odourless garlic and some ginger capsules (both suggested by Julie, who is an expert in supplements, as being good for your blood and circulation).

I came back with:

Odourless Garlic (I do hope it's odourless both ends, though... juj) *
Ginger Extract
Starflower Capsules (like Evening Primrose Oil, but better, if I remember rightly)
Multivitamins & Minerals
and Echinacea

I'm determined that this time I am going to take them every day.

Oh, I've still got a bottle of Ginkgo Biloba tablets in the house as well that I bought because it said something about "extremity circulation" (again, juj)... What do you reckon to them, Julie? (Although, having just read the "side effects" bit of that link, I might give them a miss)...



* juj = blush