Woah....

...it sure has been a long time since I've updated the blog, hasn't it?

Well, I guess this first new post should be to update you on what's happened in the last 4 months... So, here goes...

A Month Of... Taking A Few Months Off

Well, the daily videos were the first casualty - They might come back at some stage... I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Turtley New Arrivals

On 31st October, Viki & I welcomed a new member to the family - a yellow-bellied slider terrapin, who we named "Aristotle" (named after Telly Savalas, and so I could make the "Aris-turtle" pun). Here he is on the first day we had him...

And then, on the night before Christmas my brother gave to us (to be sung to the tune of "On The First Day Of Christmas")... not 2 turtle doves, but a map turtle who we christened "Atlas" (Atlas? Maps? See what we did there?)... Again, here's the new addition on day 1...

Now, Aristotle is much bigger than he was... Atlas is getting a wee bit bigger... and this is how the brothers like to sit in the tank...

(in fact, looking behind me, that's how they are sitting right at this moment).

I will admit I was a little unsure when we got Aristotle, mainly because I'd never had reptiles as pets before, or even handled them, but Viki kept them back home in Hungary. But now I love our little guys (er... we've decided in our own way that they are boys... We can't really tell for sure yet, cause they're too peedie, but we always refer to them as "he", and "brothers", so I guess we might be in for a bit of a red face if we discover in a year or two that one or both of them is/are female).

Oh, they've also got company in the tank... When we got Aristotle, Viki said that live food is good for terrapins, so we bought a peedie fish for him to catch and eat... except he decided that the fish is "friend" not "food" - so Findus (as he's been christened) lives happily (if a little warily at first) with them in the tank!

So, what else has been happening?


End Of An Era

After almost 15 years of working in the same building (10 years for one company, and then nearly 5 years for another), I am now in the position of being unemployed. My boss declared the firm insolvent, and we were closed down on 11th November. I'd known it was going to happen for a few months, and couldn't say anything to anybody, and I made the decision to hang on til the end and collect my wages as long as I could, and then my redundancy (15 years' worth, since when I started the last job, I was employed under TUPE legislation). However, there have been some problems getting the money I was entitled to, which are still ongoing to a certain extent - so the last few months have been hard financially, and very stressful. Now I'm back to claiming Job-Seekers Allowance and searching for a job, along with everyone else who has become a victim of the recession. I'm finding it very hard to keep motivated and upbeat, which is pretty much why the blog has been on ice for months.

Snow Longer Funny

Speaking of "on ice" - god, I am sick of this winter! Up here in Orkney, we seem to have had ice and snow and sleet and frost solidly since around Christmas time. Our last lot of snow was just starting to go yesterday, and this morning I looked out the window and saw big, white, wet flakes drifting down. Then, later this afternoon, and now again this evening, there have been showers of more sleety stuff, meaning that it's once again white outside! I am just so fed up of going slowly and carefully all the time, worrying that I'm going to fall and break an arm or a leg (bearing in mind that I still have a bandage on one leg to try and heal a peedie ulcer I have and, as a result, am having to wear shoes that are too big, and one had to be cut and has to be held on with micropore tape - and they've not got the best grips in the world for dealing with ice and snow). I swear I'm going to hibernate for the rest of winter if this is going to go on much longer!

Christmas & New Year

Even with no job and not much money, Christmas and New Year were pretty damn good this year. The house was decorated for the first time in years (I never bothered latterly... I just didn't see the point, and just wanted the "Festive" season to be over with as soon as possible). However, with Viki here, it was so different. We followed the Hungarian tradition, and put the tree and decorations up on Christmas Eve, and it was such fun. Then Christmas dinner was had at my brother's. We didn't go and see the Ba's on Christmas Day (both went up anyway, so least said about that, the better). Then, the day after Boxing Day, we (my brother, Viki & me) were all invited out to my sister's for tea.

New Year was good too. Viki & me went up to Broad Street for Midnight, and I don't really remember too much else, so I guess it was a good night (mind you, it was 2 months ago, and I'm getting on a bit now, so maybe it's just general old age that's made me forget). Had a spot of good news on New Year's Day, as the Mens Ba came doon for the first time in god knows how long, and Viki got to see it! I think her scream of "Yes!" as the ba went in the harbour was louder than everyone elses! Boys Ba still went up though, but it was a start! New Year's Day dinner was Hungarian Bean Soup... doesn't sound like much, but it was thick and warming and full of smokey ham. Delicious!

Other News

Not really too much other news, I don't think. Just celebrated Viki's *ahem* 29th birthday on Saturday. Friday night her & me went out for a meal, before David joined us for some drinks. Then Saturday night one of her workmates came through from Stromness and we went out drinking. Fun at the time, but I think I'm getting too old for serious drinking now!

So, I think that's enough to be going on with. I'm feeling a little light-headed after all this typing, so I think I might have to go lie down in a darkened room for a while. Promise it won't be so long til the next update, although I won't make any rash promises about when it'll appear.

Oh, and please feel free to comment, although I'm having to turn the comment moderation on again, because I'm getting a few spam comments being posted. I promise all genuine comments will be approved, whether positive or negative (although obviously I'd prefer positive). Or why not sign the guest book?

Okay... that really is all for now... Bye bye... x

What Do You Get If You Cross...

Too much alcohol last night, only getting to bed at 2o'clock in the morning, and having to work today?

You get me clutching a bottle of Irn Bru, alternating it with gulps of coffee, and trying to muster up a vague appearance of being human every time a customer comes in and rings the bell!

That's it! I'm NEVER drinking again!





(at least, until next weekend)

Get Me Coffee... NOW!!!

Urgh... it's 20 past 8, and I'm here at work already... all on my own, all day...

Boss is away at the moment, swinging on a rope somewhere off an oil rig, and our store flunky has taken his kid away to see The Tweenies or some other such freaky kids' show (at least, he SAYS it's for the kid, but I'm sure it's more for him... it's certainly about his intellectual level).

So I've had to come in at 8o'clock, and I can't go out at lunch time or anything. I'm here 'til 5.

And, as an insult, the radio is playing MIKA's "Relax, Take It Easy"... Bastards!

It's a miracle that either Viki or me got to work this morning... especially Viki. Neither of us heard our alarms. I just remember suddenly thinking "Oh, shit" and checking my watch - which said 07:00 (well, actually it said "the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 7", because I don't have a digital watch). Instant panic! Viki's bus leaves at 20 past 7!!!!!

I still don't know how, but I got a text at 22 minutes past 7, saying "I'm on the bus!"

Don't think either of us is awake yet, though.

*Gulps coffee*

It's going to be a looooooooooooooooooooooong day!

The Weekend...

What a lovely weekend we've just had... if you discount the fact that I was working on Saturday and Viki was working Saturday evening...

You already know we had a meal out on Friday night...

Well, my sister & brother-in-law were away for a few days, and my brother has been looking after their farm. They've got a house on the farm that they usually rent out, which is empty at the moment, so my brother suggested that Viki & I come out for Saturday night and Sunday (they were coming back Sunday evening).

So, I went out about half past 7 on Saturday evening, and then my brother went in to get Viki from her work after half past 9.

We all cheated for tea, coz we had microwave chicken tikka, and then we just had a laugh until about 3o'clock on Sunday morning. At that point Viki & I went round the corner to the guest house where we slept in the living room (one on the sofa, one on a couple of armchairs pulled together... there wasn't a big lot of furniture in the place since it's empty at the moment).

And, would you believe, because it's so quiet there in the middle of a valley in Holm, and there isn't traffic going zooming past 24 hours a day like our place, we didn't waken up til almost 12 noon?

And when we did waken up... Oh. My. God. What a beautiful day! My sister has a porch on the front of their house, and the temperature in there was reading about 40 degrees!

Had toast for breakfast (for once I had to miss out on Viki's scrambled eggs... she does wicked scrambled eggs), and then we came into the town to get some dead animals to barbecue for dinner / tea.

Returned with steaks (which were reduced... woo-hoo), a couple of gammon steaks, and some lamb kebabs. Sat in the concrete area in front of the farmhouse and my brother was in charge of the barbecue.

Viki, me, him... and my sister's elderly dog... all ate very well, before he took us back home... me with very slight sunburn on the one arm that was facing the sun.

It was a great day.

I Can Has Kitteh?

moar funny pictures

Today's been one of those days...

As you can see, I slept in to start with... that's to say, I got up, then sat on the sofa "for 10 minutes" - and fell asleep there!

Then I had to wrestle with the rubbish bags (which had been out at the back in the rain so were wet and yucky) to get them out so we wouldn't be over-run completely by next week.

Luckily, since I worked on Saturday, and had only had half a day off so far in lieu, I could come in at 10am.

Work's been okay, I guess... but still had to endure the radio going on about the Bank Holiday.

Then, at about 20 to 5, it suddenly registered that I hadn't taken my handbag to work with me this morning (choosing instead to just shove my purse, phone and (house) keys into my pocket. Why is it relevant that I said "(house) keys"? Well, it dawned on me that I was the only one left at work (Flunky stops at 4pm), and the keys for locking up the 2 main entrance doors were... yes, you guessed it... in my handbag! At home!

Flunky lives a half hour or so drive away from the office, and he would have been home by that time, so I sheepishly phoned my flatmate (who was on her way to me from her job by bus) and asked her if she could stay on the bus to the Travel Centre, and go home (a 5-minute walk from there) to get my key, then come back to me (a 20-minute or so walk in the dull, cold weather) with it. Thankfully, she didn't mind... and didn't call me a Muppet (even though it's what I felt like).

I hate Mondays.

What's Wrong With Me!!!???

Woke up this morning at 7am, with the sun streaming in the window, not feeling sleepy and crabbit as I usually am... Got up and let the cats out (they blotted their copybooks yesterday by peeing TWICE on the floor, but we think that was just a hint that their litter tray was needing cleaned), and didn't go back to sleep, for a change.

Instead, I listened to some music on the computer for a wee while, then got dressed and ready for work. Left the house about quarter past 8 (normally I'm not even up then), and walked (yes, that's right... WALKED) to work... with a brief detour past my favourite coffeeshop for a caramel latte to sup on the way. It was so beautiful walking out along the seafront, watching gulls, ducks and 8 or 9 swans on the Peedie Sea on the other side of me.

Arrived at work almost on the dot of 9am, feeling refreshed, happy and not at all tired. It would be nice if this would stay with me, but I suspect it won't. Tomorrow morning I am sure I will waken up all knackered and grumpy, and it will be a last-minute rush to get to work in time by taxi.

God, it's a beautiful day today! Hope it's nice and sunny too where you are.

Forced Out

Would you believe that I've just been forced to go and stand outside the office for 10 minutes!?

My crime? The cup of curried parsnip & apple soup I had!

I was told it stunk so much I should take it outside and drink it... so I had to go and stand out in the carpark and finish it.

And then I had to dump the empty cup in the wheelie bin outside... although I was very tempted to hide it in the boss' van or Flunky's car.

It's not fair... I am victimised and harassed over my choice of soup - but it's okay for the pair of them to sit in here and drop their guts, and I have to suffer the smell!

Oh, It's Not Such A Good Day...

Okay... all things considered, it was still a pretty good day, because it was a Thursday, but I wasn't working... but some of the things that were going to make it a good day, ended up going that little bit wrong...

First, the electrician that was supposed to come at 9am this morning... we stayed in til after 12 noon, and he didn't come. But I phoned him, and he said he would come after 5pm.

Which he did... but then the aerial that he fitted in the loft didn't make a blind bit of difference to the TV picture! Mainly because I live in a little single-storey house... and across the road from me (blocking me from the television transmitter on top of a hill outside Kirkwall) are all 2-storey houses, and then there's the oil tanks, and then a dirty great big hotel... all blocking the signal from getting to my brand shiny new aerial! Grrrrrr.... anyone got a bulldozer?

Then, whilst it was nice and sunny while we were inside, waiting for the electrician... as soon as we ventured out to the shops (I swear, as soon as we opened the front door) - it started to rain! It stopped after a while, but after the rain, it stayed cold and wet and windy for the rest of the afternoon.

Maybe I won't bother buying a lottery ticket for Saturday after all!

Oh, It's A Good Day...

…for singing a song!

I’m having a pretty good day today, all things considered! Okay, work is still work, but on the positives there are:

Not working tomorrow, and nor is Viki, so we’ll be paying a visit to the charity shops and Starbucks for a coffee!

Got a rent holiday this week, cause it’s the last week of the financial year for the council… woo-hoo!

Was at the nurse today, and I’ve finally got the compression bandage off my leg, and an elastic stocking on… and I can get a shoe on my right foot for the first time in almost 3 months! No more plaster boot that is so smooth on the sole that I go aqua-planing every time I walk on wet stones… Yesterday I almost did the splits in one shop as I walked in the door – led in with my right foot, which slid forward almost half a metre on the wet floor, and my left foot stayed where it was! And there I “stood”, wobbling and trying to prop myself up with my stick as I tried to stop my right foot going any further away from me, and causing me to have a walk like a duck with a hernia!

Not working Saturday, so a pint or two on Friday night to celebrate my new unfettered leg is in order, I think!

Got an electrician coming tomorrow to fit a TV aerial in the house, so finally I will be able to watch telly without every programme looking like it’s filmed in the dead of winter with a heavy snowstorm going on.

Can life get any better? Well, yes... I could win the lottery on Saturday!

Bad Day At Work?

I'm at work (alone, and in all day again today (still only part-time during the week, coz I've still got a bandage and a stupid "plaster boot" on one leg), and it's chuffing freezing if I have to go out into the store to serve customers, and we don't seem to have anything that they want, and there's no milk for me to make coffee, and I'm craving a bacon roll (which I can't go get because I'm alone, and anyway, I'm stuck on the industrial estate, too far away from anywhere that I could purchase said item), and I just want to go home and sleep, and my leg is itchy under the bandage where the dead skin is coming off and the new skin is coming in, and there's an iodine dressing on the actual ulcer bit and it's stinging a wee bit, and I am feeling grumpy and unsociable...

But I'm still not having as bad a day as the guy in this thing I was emailed...

If you don’t laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma! This is even funnier when you realize it’s real! Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.

Bob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103. 5 on FM dial in Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest.

Needless to say, she won. Read his letter below.

~Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.

Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you’ve been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it’s not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It’s a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I’ve used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit.

This floods my whole suit with warm water. It’s like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it.

This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don’t have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn’t stick to it, however, the crack of my ass was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my ass.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say, I aborted the dive.

I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompress ion. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn’t shit for two days because my ass was swollen shut.

So, next time you’re having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your ass.

Now repeat to yourself, ‘I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.’

Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

I Can Has Kitteh?

First day back at work... Boo!

moar funny pictures

Although for me it's just been a little over half a day, and now I'm signed off sick for 2 weeks (although I have to go in a couple of times during the fortnight to do the wages and a couple of other things that only I can do).

Been at the nurse today for the first day of the compression bandaging on my leg... so now I'm trussed up from foot to just above the knee on my right leg, with a bandage that big that I can't get a shoe on, so I'm wearing one of those plaster boot things that you get when you've broken your leg... which is a really good look(!) - and I'm hobbling about with a couple of walking sticks.

Back tomorrow to get it redone, and see if it's made any difference. Please god, it has...

24 Hours After Viki Arrived...

... her bags did!

The doorbell rang at about 9pm last night, and there was a taxi outside with her bag in it... so I guess we should say "Thank you" to Heathrow for getting it here (albeit a bit late). Mind you, I think I know why it arrived late - judging by the weight of it, it needed a plane all to itself!

Today I had a day off work, and we made a start visiting some of the places that could help Viki get a job... The Job Centre and Careers Scotland, as well as picking up application forms for some businesses that were looking for staff.

Fingers crossed...

Aside from that, there's not much news going on. Back to work tomorrow (groan), and the boss is away for 2 weeks again.... and next week, Flunky is on holiday - meaning it's going to be just me there, from 8o'clock in the morning, instead of 9... every day (bar Sunday) through til 5o'clock (4o'clock on Saturday). Yuk.

Well, that's me - Catch you later!

Moar Pleh!

A lolcat by me...

moar funny pictures

A reflection of how I'm feeling. Remember I said yesterday morning that I had a bunged-up nose and thought I might be getting the cold? Well, that was about half past 8... and by 10am I was coughing so hard I would get dizzy, and sometimes I just couldn't get my breath properly.

Struggled through work until stopping time at 4pm, and then got a taxi down to the chemist for some cough medicine (I want this gone before Viki comes) and some decongestant tablets for my nose, because I could feel my sinuses getting sore - and I really didn't want that, because when my sinuses get blocked, they get really, really sore... kinda like someone hitting you in the face with a sledgehammer.

Watched a film last night, sat on the sofa under a blanket... "Catch & Release" - not that great really, but a bit of a no-brain chick-flick, and it only cost £5 in Woolies yesterday.

Didn't have that great a sleep... was sore and coughing and couldn't get comfy. At one point I woke up thinking it must be about 5o'clock, and when I looked at the clock, it wasn't even 3am. Knew then it was going to be a long night.

Had an appointment with someone at the house at 10o'clock this morning, so couldn't even have a lie-in... although I did get that sleepy this afternoon that I just had to go back to bed for a few hours. And I've not really done anything of any consecquence today... just coughed and sneezed blown my nose.

And now I'm off to bed... hopefully to sleep, and hopefully I'll waken up feeling soooo much better tomorrow. (No, I'm not betting on it).

Oh, I must have done something to please the karma gods this week though - I won £20 on the lottery last night!

Pleh!

It's too early... I'm at work already... and first thing I did was put the kettle on!

And I think I'm coming down with a cold... my left nostril is all bunged up...

more animals

Pleh!

Urgh....

more animals

It's half past 8, I've been at work half an hour, but I'm really not awake yet... not until the coffee that I'm surgically attached to starts to kick in.

Yesterday was the girl in the office upstair's last day before she starts her new job, and a few of their firm were going out for drinks and something to eat... and I was asked along too. I'd debated for days whether to go or not, thinking:

1. I don't really feel like socialising at the moment.
2. But it's probably going to be my last chance for a while, coz I'm going to be too skint.
3. The fact I don't feel like socialising is precisely the reason I should, or else I'll turn into a recluse, too embarrassed to face people.
4. She's a good friend.
5. I've got to work at 8am Saturday (today).
6. I don't have to drink (aye, right(!)) and I can leave early.

So, at about half past 5 last night (they were meeting sometime about 6 or half 6), I found myself getting ready and heading out.

And it was a good night... I was disciplined and only had 3 (maybe 4, I can't remember) drinks, and about 6 or 7 of us went for an Indian. Was home by about half past 10, leaving the rest of them heading off to another pub.

Had an early night, but didn't get to sleep that easily because my leg was a bit sore. Got up at half past one and took a couple of pain-killers, and that seemed to help, because the next I knew was quarter past 6 and the first of my 7 alarms going off.

However, I'm far more tired and "bleurgh" (it is an accepted medical condition) than usual after 3 drinks. Maybe it's the new antibiotics I've just started taking for my leg? (The ones I was put on last week did a bit of good, but the bugs I've got are resistant to them). Hence the coffee... and the bottle of Lucozade for later.

I hope there aren't many customers wanting anything complicated today, considering my head is full of cotton wool at the moment... and might not improve for a few hours.

Having It Off!

Er... the weekend, that is!

I was expecting to be working tomorrow, especially since I'd been off on Tuesday... and then I got a text from the boss last night.

It said, as he needed me to work the next 2 Saturdays (he's away on another secret mission for MI6 again), I could have this Saturday off!

Woo-hoo!

So, the next few Saturdays go...

13th - Off
20th - Working from 8am (groan)
27th - Working from 8am (double groan)
4th October - Off, and Viki arrives!

It's 20 Past 8...

in the am, the sun is shining, and I'm sat here at work.

So much for being able to have a Saturday off when the boss is not away.

Yes, I'll get Tuesday off, but as that's for my auntie's funeral, it doesn't really compensate.

Time For Bed...

Long past time, in fact... I've twice almost bounced my head off the keyboard because I've nodded off. So I'm offski...

But guess what?

I'VE GOT A DAY OFF TOMORROW! I'm actually going to have a 2-day weekend!

The boss is back now, and he's finally seen that I need some more time off. So I was only supposed to be working from 12 noon til 4pm tomorrow, and off altogether next Saturday... but he needs me more next week, so I got a text saying I didn't need to come in tomorrow! Woo-hoo!

Long lie for me, I think... followed by a leisurely afternoon window shopping (trying to save some pennies), and a DVD and a beer or two at night... oh, and a Starbucks latte after the window shopping (not trying to save THAT many pennies).

Oh, a plea... My 93 year old auntie (she'd kill me if she knew I'd told her age) is in hospital. She's very poorly, and the doctors are saying it's just a matter of time. We've had this happen before, and last time she amazed everyone by rallying (that was about Christmas last year, I think) and has been fine since, until now. But the docs are very pessimistic this time.

So please ask your god(s) for healing for her if it's not her time to go yet, or for a peaceful, pain-free end if it is... Her name's Joanna, or Jo.

Thanks.

Goodnight...

All Work And No Play...

For reasons I'd really better not go into, work isn't a lot of fun at the moment, and hasn't been for some time.

And today I got an email from the boss, who is away at the moment, threatening a written warning (and I can't really argue with him, because it is for something I've done wrong) and after something that happened today, I'm expecting another email tomorrow.

But I've emailed him too, telling him that I really can't go on doing 6 day weeks every week... It's taking too big a strain on me... I'm tired, emotional, don't have time to keep up with housework or my own affairs, and my leg isn't healing like it should... because it's not getting any rest.

He's probably not going to be happy, but weighing up an extra £40-odd every second week (I only get paid extra alternate Saturdays I work) against my health, I have to ask is it worth it?

I guess I'll find out tomorrow what his thoughts are... keep your fingers crossed he doesn't mention P45's!

Reasons To Be Sorrowful... 1.. 2.. 3...

1. As aforementioned, this morning I waved Viki off at the airport as she made her way - her LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG way - back to Hungary... wondering when I'll see her again without a webcam and being at the mercy of my MSN which keeps crashing, and her speakers which keep squealing and crackling until they have to be turned off, meaning she can't hear me.

2. Back to work and the idiot Flunky today. And did he cut me some slack since I was upset? Did he fuck!

3. Between saying goodbye to my Hunsis, and returning to the Hell Hole that is my workplace, I went along the Citizens' Advice Bureau and started my bankruptcy application.

Actually, there are more than 3 reasons... mainly tied in with my best friend leaving...

After work tonight I had to go to Tesco to get cat food... and as I walked round, I was so aware that last time I had been in there was with Viki and we had been having fun laughing at our Tesco and theirs (did you know that Tesco in Hungary sells cock rings!?) - and now I was back to miserably pushing a trolley around and thinking I couldn't buy certain things because they'd be gone off by the time I used them myself.

Stayed at work until about 7pm, because I didn't want to come home.

As I was walking about the street this morning before I came back to work, I kept thinking that just yesterday I'd been laughing and browsing in those same shops with Viki. Was in Trenabies on the way up to work to get a takeaway coffee, and the table we'd usually sat at when we had our lunch in there most days was free... but I couldn't bear to sit in. And even my latte didn't taste so good without someone (ahham) stealing glomps of it despite having her own double espresso every day!

And since coming home tonight I've had iTunes playing, and it's really been taking the piss out of me... either playing those songs that Viki had been playing on top volume while she was here (it's on shuffle, and the bastard thing has thousands of songs to choose from... so why does it keep picking Queen? And "Barbie Girl" was the real nail in the coffin). Or picking songs that remind me how alone I am...

"Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue?" (yes, I have brown eyes)
"Everybody Hurts"
"Over The Hills And Far Away"
"The Deepest Blues Are Black"
"Walkaway"
"The Power Of Goodbye"
and, currently, "There Is Always Something There To Remind Me" by The Beautiful South.

Bastarding iTunes!

In the week or so that Viki was here, and for a couple of weeks before, I never took my anti-depressants... never needed them... never felt down... But today I felt the temptation to vent my frustrations in the old way for the first time in ages. But I didn't... and I won't...

Instead I'm going to go to bed and cry.