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One of these "I really shouldn't laugh" jokes...

Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque.
They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside.

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Two Asian heroin addicts have injected themselves with curry powder by mistake - both are in intensive care...

One has a dodgy tikka and the other one is in a korma.

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During last night's high winds an African family were killed by a tree falling .

A spokesman for the Birmingham Council said 'We didn't even know they were living up there'.

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Asian Minorities in the UK have complained that there is not enough television shows with minorities in mind, so Crimewatch is being shown 5 times a week now.

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I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up.

She turned out to be an undercover detective.

How cool is that at her age?!

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I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"

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I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?

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Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.

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I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding behind a gravestone.

I said "morning."

He replied, "No, just having a shit."

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A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about Sex at that age."

"Curious about Sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"

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Day 2 of the nicked jokes from The Orkney Forum...

My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed.

"It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me.

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Someone on a locally-based forum shared a stack of very funny (some non-PC, so apologies if you're offended) jokes, so I'm nicking them for here.

One a day for the next wee while, starting with:

I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.

He was chuffed to bits.