Reasons To Be Sorrowful... 1.. 2.. 3...
1. As aforementioned, this morning I waved Viki off at the airport as she made her way - her LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG way - back to Hungary... wondering when I'll see her again without a webcam and being at the mercy of my MSN which keeps crashing, and her speakers which keep squealing and crackling until they have to be turned off, meaning she can't hear me.
2. Back to work and the idiot Flunky today. And did he cut me some slack since I was upset? Did he fuck!
3. Between saying goodbye to my Hunsis, and returning to the Hell Hole that is my workplace, I went along the Citizens' Advice Bureau and started my bankruptcy application.
Actually, there are more than 3 reasons... mainly tied in with my best friend leaving...
After work tonight I had to go to Tesco to get cat food... and as I walked round, I was so aware that last time I had been in there was with Viki and we had been having fun laughing at our Tesco and theirs (did you know that Tesco in Hungary sells cock rings!?) - and now I was back to miserably pushing a trolley around and thinking I couldn't buy certain things because they'd be gone off by the time I used them myself.
Stayed at work until about 7pm, because I didn't want to come home.
As I was walking about the street this morning before I came back to work, I kept thinking that just yesterday I'd been laughing and browsing in those same shops with Viki. Was in Trenabies on the way up to work to get a takeaway coffee, and the table we'd usually sat at when we had our lunch in there most days was free... but I couldn't bear to sit in. And even my latte didn't taste so good without someone (ahham) stealing glomps of it despite having her own double espresso every day!
And since coming home tonight I've had iTunes playing, and it's really been taking the piss out of me... either playing those songs that Viki had been playing on top volume while she was here (it's on shuffle, and the bastard thing has thousands of songs to choose from... so why does it keep picking Queen? And "Barbie Girl" was the real nail in the coffin). Or picking songs that remind me how alone I am...
"Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue?" (yes, I have brown eyes)
"Everybody Hurts"
"Over The Hills And Far Away"
"The Deepest Blues Are Black"
"Walkaway"
"The Power Of Goodbye"
and, currently, "There Is Always Something There To Remind Me" by The Beautiful South.
Bastarding iTunes!
In the week or so that Viki was here, and for a couple of weeks before, I never took my anti-depressants... never needed them... never felt down... But today I felt the temptation to vent my frustrations in the old way for the first time in ages. But I didn't... and I won't...
Instead I'm going to go to bed and cry.
2. Back to work and the idiot Flunky today. And did he cut me some slack since I was upset? Did he fuck!
3. Between saying goodbye to my Hunsis, and returning to the Hell Hole that is my workplace, I went along the Citizens' Advice Bureau and started my bankruptcy application.
Actually, there are more than 3 reasons... mainly tied in with my best friend leaving...
After work tonight I had to go to Tesco to get cat food... and as I walked round, I was so aware that last time I had been in there was with Viki and we had been having fun laughing at our Tesco and theirs (did you know that Tesco in Hungary sells cock rings!?) - and now I was back to miserably pushing a trolley around and thinking I couldn't buy certain things because they'd be gone off by the time I used them myself.
Stayed at work until about 7pm, because I didn't want to come home.
As I was walking about the street this morning before I came back to work, I kept thinking that just yesterday I'd been laughing and browsing in those same shops with Viki. Was in Trenabies on the way up to work to get a takeaway coffee, and the table we'd usually sat at when we had our lunch in there most days was free... but I couldn't bear to sit in. And even my latte didn't taste so good without someone (ahham) stealing glomps of it despite having her own double espresso every day!
And since coming home tonight I've had iTunes playing, and it's really been taking the piss out of me... either playing those songs that Viki had been playing on top volume while she was here (it's on shuffle, and the bastard thing has thousands of songs to choose from... so why does it keep picking Queen? And "Barbie Girl" was the real nail in the coffin). Or picking songs that remind me how alone I am...
"Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue?" (yes, I have brown eyes)
"Everybody Hurts"
"Over The Hills And Far Away"
"The Deepest Blues Are Black"
"Walkaway"
"The Power Of Goodbye"
and, currently, "There Is Always Something There To Remind Me" by The Beautiful South.
Bastarding iTunes!
In the week or so that Viki was here, and for a couple of weeks before, I never took my anti-depressants... never needed them... never felt down... But today I felt the temptation to vent my frustrations in the old way for the first time in ages. But I didn't... and I won't...
Instead I'm going to go to bed and cry.
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