What Do You Get If You Cross...

Too much alcohol last night, only getting to bed at 2o'clock in the morning, and having to work today?

You get me clutching a bottle of Irn Bru, alternating it with gulps of coffee, and trying to muster up a vague appearance of being human every time a customer comes in and rings the bell!

That's it! I'm NEVER drinking again!





(at least, until next weekend)

I've Got To Stop...

going out on a Friday night when I'm working on Saturday!

moar funny pictures

Viki and I went out for a bar meal last night (it's our Friday night thing... neither of us wants to cook) and then for a couple of drinks.

Then, when the pubs closed at 1am this morning, it was such a beautiful night that we went a walk along the harbour front and sat on a bench just talking for a while, while Viki had a cigarette or 3 (that'll really help her cold(!)). It was dead quiet... for some reason there wasn't the usual lot of drunken layabouts looking for taxis and folks just hanging around... and the sky wasn't properly dark (I love Orkney around mid-summer)... and there wasn't a breath of wind...

Came home about half past 2 and I collapsed into bed... pleasantly tiddly.

Woke up this morning at 20 to 8... unpleasantly hungover. lol.

Now I'm at work. Had a cup of coffee, so I'm feeling a wee bit more human, but I'm still struggling.

Bleurgh!

It really, really isn't a good idea to go out on a Friday night when you're working the next day!

Viki & I went out for a meal last night, and then for "a couple of drinks" - Aye, right(!) - There were probably more like 5 or 6... and I took it easier than Viki, because I only had this really good rum that I've been introduced to, called Sailor Jerry's (which you drink with coke and lime, so at least I won't get scurvy, I guess)... Viki was drinking Budweiser AND straight whisky!

So my one consolation today is that however bad I was feeling when I got up this morning, she was feeling a lot worse!

Met her for lunch and, sure enough, she looked a little bit green around the gills... hee, hee... er... I mean... Poor baba...

Urgh...

Okay... so after our meal last night, I decided (since I had a proper shoe on and looked "normal") that we would go for a drink after all.

Met the person we had arranged to meet, and had a good laugh and a few drinks (maximum 5, I reckon).

But what has happened to me? Gone are the days when I could drink like 9 or 10 Morgans & cokes and still feel okay... After the 5 last night, on the way home, I had a brief moment when I thought "Oh, my god... I'm going to barf" (sorry if you're eating your breakfast) and this morning I'm here at work clutching a coffee and wishing I was still in bed... and it's just half past 9... I've got a long way to go yet.

Bought a Tesco Medium Fish Sushi Selection yesterday to take to work with me today because, a couple of years ago when I was in Aberdeen, I tried a similar thing from M&S, and really quite liked it. Now contemplating having it for breakfast and wondering if that's a good idea or not in my condition...

Would Someone Please Tell The Pixie...

that's bashing the side of my head with a sledgehammer, that he's made his point, and he can stop now, thanks very much!

Ohmygod... I'm NEVER drinking again... I swear to Bilious, the oh god of hangovers!

I counted back last night... I had 4 drinks... that's all...

But those 4 glasses contained EIGHT different kinds of alcohol!

First I had a Morgans & Coke... with a blackcurrant Sourz to accompany it...

Then we moved pubs, and I had a couple of cocktails...

First was called a Purple Haze or something like that, and contained Peach Schnapps, Bacardi and Blue Curacao or whatever it is you call it... mixed with a shot of grenadine, served over crushed ice, and topped up with lemonade. Very yummy...

Then there was something (can't remember what it was called) that had Bailey's, Vodka, and Kahlua in it... and that's all.

I suspect that they might have all ganged up in my bloodstream to form a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster though!

Oh, my head...

Going for a drink now - OF WATER!!!!!

A Saturday Off? I'll Drink To That!

Not working today (but working Easter Monday) so went out with Viki for something cheap(ish) and cheerful at our local pizza place and then for "a" drink... which ended up with me having a Malibu (don't ask... but it was inspired by buying a cheap coconut the night before), then some cocktail with raspberry vodka and peach schnapps in it, and then 2 Red Apples.

What's a Red Apple? Very tasty, that's what! It's vodka, with grenadine, a squeeze of fresh lemon juice, and then topped up with Appletise... very fruity and light... but at £4 a go, only a treat.

But I'm definitely getting old... That's really only 5 measures of spirits, and this morning my mouth was like the bottom of a parrot cage!

Anyone got an aspirin or 20?

One Day... Less Than 24 Hours...

Only one more sleep until Viki arrives!

So I'm sat here (when I really should be hoovering, or cleaning the loo, or dusting the cat) with a glass of Unicum Next (a Hungarian liqueur which Viki brought a peedie bottle of over to me when she was over in August, and which I had deliberately not opened until now) beside me.

And it is delicious, by the way. It tastes kinda citrus-y, with a hint of cough medicine (I know, I'm really not selling it to you at all, am I?). It's really like something I've drunk before... I thought Southern Comfort, but it doesn't smell like it (yes, I went to the bottles in the cupboard and had a good sniff... and that sounds bad, like I've got this cupboard full of booze, but it's not that. Most of the bottles are under half full, and probably about 5 years old!). And it's not Morgans Spiced either. I wonder if it's Cointreau? It's dark brown, kinda syrupy, and is described as a digestif... so it's good for you too (well, so I tell myself)!

Am drinking to Viki's safe flight tomorrow...

Cheers, m'dear! *hic*

Urgh....

more animals

It's half past 8, I've been at work half an hour, but I'm really not awake yet... not until the coffee that I'm surgically attached to starts to kick in.

Yesterday was the girl in the office upstair's last day before she starts her new job, and a few of their firm were going out for drinks and something to eat... and I was asked along too. I'd debated for days whether to go or not, thinking:

1. I don't really feel like socialising at the moment.
2. But it's probably going to be my last chance for a while, coz I'm going to be too skint.
3. The fact I don't feel like socialising is precisely the reason I should, or else I'll turn into a recluse, too embarrassed to face people.
4. She's a good friend.
5. I've got to work at 8am Saturday (today).
6. I don't have to drink (aye, right(!)) and I can leave early.

So, at about half past 5 last night (they were meeting sometime about 6 or half 6), I found myself getting ready and heading out.

And it was a good night... I was disciplined and only had 3 (maybe 4, I can't remember) drinks, and about 6 or 7 of us went for an Indian. Was home by about half past 10, leaving the rest of them heading off to another pub.

Had an early night, but didn't get to sleep that easily because my leg was a bit sore. Got up at half past one and took a couple of pain-killers, and that seemed to help, because the next I knew was quarter past 6 and the first of my 7 alarms going off.

However, I'm far more tired and "bleurgh" (it is an accepted medical condition) than usual after 3 drinks. Maybe it's the new antibiotics I've just started taking for my leg? (The ones I was put on last week did a bit of good, but the bugs I've got are resistant to them). Hence the coffee... and the bottle of Lucozade for later.

I hope there aren't many customers wanting anything complicated today, considering my head is full of cotton wool at the moment... and might not improve for a few hours.

Something For The Weekend?

Yes, several things:

1. A pizza for tonight.
2. A bottle of cheap (and probably horrid) sangria.
3. "Casualty" on telly tonight.
4. "Takin' Over The Asylum" to watch on DVD, starring Ken Stott & David Tennant.
5. "The Colour Of Magic" (Part One) to watch tomorrow night on Sky One - starring the delectable Tim Curry.
6. Two cats to cuddle... and feed... and let out... and let in... and let out... and get followed to the loo by (does anyone else have cats that do that?). I can't go to the toilet by myself - doesn't matter how carefully I try to sneak away when they're not looking... I'll be sat on the loo, and I hear a sound like elephants stampeding, and there they are!
7. A box of Thorntons chocolates instead of an Easter Egg.
8. Cheese Doritos and Sour Cream Dip.
9. A hot water bottle.
10. "Hollyoaks" omnibus tomorrow morning.

That should keep me going, I think.

Oh, well... work's nearly over. God, it's been boring. I've really missed not being in the shop, down on the street where folk are coming in, and you can people watch all the folk going past the window when it's quiet...

Well, that's a couple of minutes to 5 - so I guess I'll go and lock up and then I can come in and finish this job I'm doing before going home.

Hindsight...

... is always when I'm at my funniest and most creative.

I was sitting at work this morning, when suddenly into my head popped the following thought:

" 'Pills, Chills And Bellyaches' - THAT's what I should have called the post that I unimaginitively called 'Urgh!' on Thursday! That would have been a great title! Damn... why didn't I think of it at the time? "

It's true... I always think of the wittiest things to say when it's far too late, and the moment's long gone. If I could time travel, I'd be a real hoot, trust me!

Anyway, I've just come online to do the birthday spot, and blurb a bit about my day (which wasn't much to write home about), while my chocolate beer (yeah... not sure about that one either) is chilling in the fridge. It's now quarter past 9, and any minute now the alarm on my phone is going to go to tell me "Guilty Pleasures" is coming on ITV in 15 minutes - I only caught a trailer for this at my brother's, but it seems to be current "credible" music stars covering old cheese... I'm going to be in Heaven!

No alarm yet... clock on my phone must be slow... or else clock on my computer's fast...

Anyway, I'll potter here for another 5 - 10 mins after the alarm does finally go, and then I'll open my beer and nuke my chicken kor... JESUS! Fucking alarm! I nearly shit myself!

Sorry... as I was saying... I'll nuke my chicken korma, and then I've got a bit of Orkney Fudge Cheesecake for pud. What more do you need on a Saturday night?

Oh - I meant to tell you what was the high point of my day in the shop yesterday... It was taking 2 boxes of 1000 paperclips, and making them into 20 bags of paperclips! And, yes, the customers did give me abuse about doing it - one even asking if I was on piece rate for doing it!

Right, 20 past 9, and I'm going to format this and then bugger off.

See ya!

This Is A Steak Out!

Last night, after a long and boring day in the shop, I went out with a couple of lasses to a hotel in Stromness (Orkney's 2nd town), where one of the hotels was having a "Steak Night" - where you could have anything off the menu, so long as it was dead cow.

Anyway, drove through there and arrived just after 8pm (table booked for 8o'clock). Were shown to our table in the bar - thinking it was a good job we had booked, because the carnivores were out in force and the place was heaving!

We had a drink and waited 15 minutes or so for them to come and take our order... and then waited, and waited, and waited... and then waited some more... before finally (at about 9:20pm), our food arrived.

Now, it was good... steak was a little chewier than I expected a really good cooked steak to be... but it had a good sauce, chips were good, the haggis topping was delicious...

But we discovered (by being told by another customer) what the delay had been - Believe it or not, the hotel had run out of steak! Presumably an emergency call was made to the butcher (either that, or they went hunting for any feral cats in the area)... but you would have thought they'd make sure there were enough to cover bookings and, if steaks were getting short, they'd start telling people who'd just turned up that, sorry, they were fully booked? Wouldn't you?

Came back through to Kirkwall after that, and had a few drinks before the pubs shut.

Feeling better this Sunday than last weekend.

Buggering off now to watch "Dancing On Ice", and hoping Greg Rusedski will be skating out of it this week...

Never Again... Until Next Weekend...

Well, after the complete and utter fuck-up that was my simulation on Friday morning, I went down to my brother's, coz I had the rest of the day off, and we had a bit of business to do regarding Dad's estate.

Got it done, came home and had a shower before I went out visiting for the evening - an ex-colleague who was up for the weekend, and another ex-colleague who still lives here, and a bloke who used to work with the visiting pal as well. Went to visiting colleague's for tea (and a few glasses of wine), then next door to the other lass' house for... yep, you guessed it - MORE wine! And a couple of strawberry daiquiris, just to add insult to the following morning's hangover. (There were only 2 of us drinking wine, and I think we managed a bottle & a half each).

Saturday, I had a long lie in, feeling very dehydrated - and with the cats pestering me as punishment for going out and getting drunk.

And then Saturday night it was up to the one lass' house again - more daiquiris, more wine (think another 2 or 3 bottles between 2 of us)... and then out to the pubs with the 2 lasses, and the same guy from the night before. At that stage I had moved on to Morgans & cokes... big mistake! Managed to last until the pubs closed (just), and staggered into a taxi to ferry me home.

Had to have some toast before going to bed, just to soak up some of the alcohol.

Sunday morning, I missed most of the "Hollyoaks" omnibus because I was out for the count...

But about 2pm I thought I could face food again - so I made pancakes (I still had a bottle of pancake mix left from Shrove Tuesday). Them, and lots of juice, and I was feeling more human again.

Had another nap in the afternoon (God, I'm getting old), then made some stirfry, and watched "Dancing On Ice" - ranting to myself when Greg and his chin got through again... damn sympathy vote!

Work today was better than I hoped for - Was back in the office, but the boss wasn't TOO unbearably sarcastic about my simulation fiasco.

Oh, and next weekend? Well, I've been asked out by the ex-colleague who's still in Orkney, her sister, and her cousin. Going for a meal and then more drink...

No wine this time... Well, maybe just one - glass, not bottle...!

(Beep)ing Hell!

Been at work today all alone, up at the store, from (beep) 8o'clock this morning... and it's been one of those days where it's been busy but not very productive in the cash sale stakes (beep). I've reeled off 50+ metres of cable - 12 metres of which was 10mm² twin & earth - and everyone who came in was asking for (beep) weird and wonderful things.... "Got any grommets?"... "I'm needing glands"... "Clips"... - or, if it was something simple, we didn't have it in stock!

(Beep) My brother picked me up after work, and we had a quick run round the supermarket for one or two things each of us forgot last night - and I've got (beep) popcorn coz I'm planning to watch a DVD in a bit... "Fantastic Four - The Rise Of The Silver Surfer". Oh, yes - I can actually WATCH telly again... I got some muscle (beep) on Thursday night, and my TV from up here is now down in the living room - it's a bit of a comedown, because it's only a 24" at most, and the other one was a 28" widescreen, but at least it's a TV, and it WORKS... and there's no annoying loud buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz with it like my other one (which has a transformer buzz or something - crap SHARP telly) (beep).

Well, did you win a share of the £96million last night? I didn't... hence the fact I was at work today, and I'm here tonight, and not sunning myself and sipping champagne on my own (beep) private yacht. Still, there's always tonight - £6million would do to start with...

The rest of the week's not been that exciting - just me and Flunky at work (beep), except when I've been down at the shop (mainly just dinnertimes).

Oh! I'm actually socialising next weekend... after my 5 hour marathon exam on Friday, I'm going along an ex-colleague who's up for the weekend and having tea with her and another girl I worked with... and they've got the wine in already! And then (after a day off on Saturday... yippee! (beep)), Saturday night the 3 of us and another couple of folks are going out for a drink... so my poor liver will be taking a battering for the first time in ages - probably nearly a year. I'm a bit worried how out of practice I am - these days one of those Bacardi Breezer-type things (beep) usually lasts me two nights because I fall asleep before it's done the first night. So, in a minute, I'm going downstairs for some spring rolls and a can of wine (yes, a can... Lidl had them last night, so I thought I'd give them a try - a semi-sparkling white wine in a can). I'll report back tomorrow on what they tasted like, and if I fell asleep before I drank the whole of (beep) the first.

Right, I'm buggering off now... What's that? (beep)... "What's the beep, Ally?"... Well, when the muscle connected up the telly to the Sky dish, etc downstairs, he didn't get the DVD player working, so my brother came in tonight after the supermarket to set it up so I could watch my film... and as he was leaving, he reached up in the hallway, and pushed the button on the smoke alarm, setting it off, and scaring the crap out of poor Harriet. And then the stupid smoke alarm's spent the last 10 - 15 minutes after he left going "beep" every couple of minutes. Not that he heard... he'd legged it out the door going "It'll stop eventually"!

Actually... I think it might have... but don't tell him that!